Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Bye, Bye Baby Bertha ...

Lil' Bertha
October 13 2003-January 13 2009


It's breaking my heart to write this ... but we've lost our Lil' Bertha.  She died of right-sided heart failure caused by pulmonary hypertension on January 13 2009 @ 2:00 PM.

Bertha came to us as a rescue pug with her companion, Molly in November 2006, following the death of my mother in October.  Both Molly and Bertha became our "pride and joy" immediately after arriving in their new home.

In November 2007, just a year later, I had to be listed for transplant and didn't really know what to do with my babies.  We wanted to take them with us, but didn't want to put them through traveling and living in Toronto ... after all, it's no Newfoundland!  Luckily, their previous owner and personal friend volunteered to care for our "babies" while we were away.  It was the thought that these two precious girls were waiting at home for me that motivated me to recover and get back to Newfoundland as soon as possible ...

We picked up our "babies" when we returned to Newfoundland in May 2008 and spent a wonderful summer and fall with them.  Bertha in particular, just loved dressing up for Halloween and loved opening gifts at Christmas.

Just last week, the two girls decided that while we were away, they would get into a bag of garbage we had ready for the trash.  For the next day or two, Bertha wasn't herself ... but she had done this before and wasn't showing signs of any strange symptoms.  She was eating, playing, sleeping, etc.  the same ol' Bertie we were used to.  

On Saturday, January 10 2009 things turned for the worse.  Bertha wouldn't eat.  I tried feeding her all her favorites (chicken breast, carrots, rice) ... but she wouldn't eat anything.  At this point she wasn't her same ol' active self either.  We made a trip to the vet.  He thought the same that we did ... that this was just an upset belly.  He gave her a pain killer and some antibiotics and told us that she should be feeling better within a few hours.  This was 11:00 AM.  By 2:30 PM things turned bad ... Bertha started breathing differently, collapsed, and upon us reviving her, couldn't stand.  We had to carry her to the car where we immediately took her back to the vet.  Upon arrival, he wanted to keep her overnight for observation and to do some additional testing to see if she had a blockage (from the garbage).  On Monday, January 12 2009 he preformed the ultrasound and by fluke, noticed that her heart was enlarged.  As he was busy with surgery's on Monday, he was going to repeat the ultrasound and forward it to specialists outside of the province.  He warned us that right-sided heart failure is more serious than left-sided, and that there may be a chance that there would be no treatment for her.  He was optimistic though that he would try some drug plan and/or surgery.

We visited Bertie Monday evening.  As the vet brought her in, I knew my little baby was so sick.  She managed to wag her little curly tail as us, but as I took her in my arms, she just collapsed with weakness.  She could barely hold her little head up.  She was struggling to breath, and I knew that I did not want her to suffer.  Even if surgery was an option, I knew she could not survive it ... she was just too sick.  I wanted to know the results of the ultrasound that would be preformed on Tuesday, but Bertie couldn't live like this ... not since she was such an active puggie.  Just looking at her in my arms broke my heart ... but still I hoped that there was something that could be done.

The ultrasound was preformed on Tuesday, January 13 2009 and results forwarded to the specialist.  As we were awaiting a response, the office called to tell my husband that Bertha had collapsed ... Darren immediately called me, and as he was doing that, they called again with the bad news ... that they had attempted to re-start Bertha's heart, but that were not successful ... Bertha had passed away @ 2:00 PM, January 13 2009.  

We visited our baby to say good-bye.  We're told that she didn't suffer and that it was very sudden.  From the look on her face and her posture, this was indeed the case.  From what I can tell, and in my heart, I know she died peacefully.  Thankfully we were able to visit one last time with her the night before and give her some last cuddles and "loves".  Bertha was 5 years old.  We still don't know what caused this heart failure.  She didn't show any symptoms of anything wrong (until last Saturday).  We are awaiting the results of the ultrasound ... just for my piece of mind if anything.

I've owned and loved pugs since 1992 ... and have gone through the loss of my first 2 pugs.  But this was something different ... Bertha just touched a piece of my heart that no other puggie has.  In addition to that ... this was so sudden!  

We miss you baby Bertie, but know that you're not suffering now.  You'll always hold a special place in our hearts ... run and play freely my sweetie.  

Lots of love ... mommy xoxo

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Time flies when you're having fun ...

I can't believe that 1 year has pretty much past already!  Darren and I have been in the process of booking flights and hotels for my 1 year assessment coming up on February 22 ... and just got confirmation from "our hotel" that we're back in our same ol' room ... where we spent 3 months of our lives in Toronto!  Kinda bitter sweet if I do say so myself.

I don't have any tests or my schedule as of yet ... but I'm anticipating that there'll be a few more tests than the usual check up ... and that's expected.  I've been feeling great since I've been transplanted ... apart from the tremendous weight gain!  Not that some of it wasn't welcomed ... but I got a little carried away ... now I'm stuck!  I really didn't ever think that I would complain about being over-weight ... it's a nice complaint ... sometimes .... LOL!  Problem is, I've been told to eat pretty much my entire life.  Living with CF, one always has the issue of lack of weight gain ... so we're constantly eating.  Now that I'm transplanted, my lungs do not have any strain, thus my body isn't working overtime to breath!  That being the case, I'm still eating the same amount that I did eat pre-transplant ... but of course, that's a bit too much for my "new body"!  Along with the meds ... I really have my work cut out for me to loose a few pounds ....

Good news is that I feel totally healthy ... but with that I have to be careful!  I may feel 110% ... but I can very easily catch a cold or flu ... and that can turn fatal!  So far Darren and I have been able to avoid and fight of any "bugs" that have come along ... just pray we can continue to do so for the winter season!!  

Saturday, January 03, 2009

2009 - New Year's Resolutions

Well, it's 2009 and almost a year has passed since I was transplanted!  I've always made some silly and often unreachable resolutions ... but this year I actually sat and thought long and hard about a few that I could accomplish ... here goes:
  • Begin and stick with a exercise program ... not only for weight loss but also for increased lung function
  • Live each day to the fullest ... don't sweat the small stuff
  • Have fun and enjoy ME!
There ... short and sweet ... lets see how well I fare with these ...

... Oh, I'm also going to attempt to keep my blog updated ... more regularly than I have ... I didn't want to add this one to my list ... as it's something that I can't totally commit to ... he he!