Dear Mom,
It's our special time of year again. Happy Mother's Day! xoxo
I thought that each passing year would get a little easier, but not so. It seems the longer you're gone, the more I long for you to be here. Mother's Day was always a special time of year ... and one that you loved dearly. We would shower you in gifts ... but you would still cook your infamous Sunday Dinner, no matter how hard we tried to get you away from the stove ;)!
I know you've been with me since 2006 in spirit, after all, I would not have made it through my transplant and continued good health without your strength and spirit being with me all the way. I understand it was your time; however I still question why ... a question I won't yet find the answer to. You know I don't usually question "why", but you leaving us does require an answer, I'm sure ... but alas, I will wait.
As you know, this past year has been rocky to say the least. Health-wise I've been fabulous ... and life-wise we were able to cruise again :)! But everything else ... well, it's gone to shit. I find it funny sometimes how people will say "don't sweat the small stuff" ... but when you can't see your way out of the dark, it does get a little scary!! I try to tell myself that everything will work itself out ... but I seem to be spinning my wheels over and over ...
Not a day goes by that I don't think about you and miss you terribly. There have been lots of things I've done since 2006 that I would have loved for you to be next to me to celebrate and experience ... but I do know you are with me.
Happy Mother's Day Mom! xoxo
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Wednesday, May 09, 2012
Let's Eat Cupcakes!
Today was a mixed bag of emotions. Starting with the insomnia (again) throughout last night, then waking to find that a dear teacher and one of my hometown residents has suddenly passed away, was pretty rough to deal with at 6:00 am! On top of that, I had to head into town to have my monthly blood work and PFT completed ... by 8:00 am. With a hour drive ahead of me, I started out on my journey with a heavy heart ... and ... really tired.
Luckily, my regular blood collection "depot" knows who I am and what I'm there for. So just a quick reminder that my blood work is timed, and needs to be taken between 8:00 and 8:30 am, I'm in and out within 15 minutes (now that's service)!!
So off I head to my lung function test at 9:00 am. Since I find it so difficult to arrange tests at my local hospital, my CF clinic in town has generously arranged to have my tests completed at the Janeway Child's Health and Rehabilitation Centre. Yes, I know it's a children's hospital, however they have agreed to do the tests and I'm thankful for no wait times! Boy, am I getting spoiled!
Normally, my PFTs (lung function tests) have been between 85 and 92% ... just absolutely fabulous. They've been this way for the past 4 years ... just hovering around those numbers. I wasn't expecting anything more or less today, and I've been feeling exactly the same ... perfectly fine :).
So I get weighted and measured, and sit in the little glass box. Plug my nose, and get ready for the test. Deep breath in ... Now blow it all the way out ... Keep blowing until you can't blow anymore ... Take a deep breath in ... Done. Nothing to it.
Only today things were a little different. The respirologist asked me what my numbers had been last time ... and to be honest, as much as I try and burn these things into my head, I just could not remember. She kindly looked up the last results and proceeds to tell me they were 84%. Perfect. However, she continues on to say that today's results are at 100%!!! WHAT!! I've always aimed to reach that magical number; however with being between 82 and 92%, I figured that was my new levels. Not that there's anything wrong with them ...
So I proceed to ask her to repeat herself ... and again she tells me they are 100%!! I'm giggling like a little girl at this point. We then start discussing my transplant and what my numbers were pre-transplant. I informed her that when I was initially assessed, I was at 25%; however I stayed at this level for almost 10 years! But in November 2007, I became ill, ended up on oxygen, and subsequently whisked off to Toronto. At the time of my transplant, I had dropped to 13% ... so 100% was pretty freakin' awesome!
So on I went to the second try ... and low and behold ... 102%!!! HOLY CRAP!! Finally the third try I was again at 102%, so I knew at this point there was no mistaking the test. I skipped out of the hospital, giggling all the way.
When I got back to my car and made the call to hubby, it again struck me, the sadness that I had learned about earlier this morning. So here I am, sitting in my car, crying, both in sadness and joyful bliss, and not knowing what to do with myself.
At 9:30 am, very few stores were open, so retail therapy was out of the question. My favorite Chinese restaurant, Song Hee's wasn't open yet. But I NEEDED something. And something GOOD. I remembered a friend of mine who had posted to Facebook about a fabulous little cafe in town ... so off I went in search of said cafe!
I ultimately found Sugar Mamas! Now, I knew this place was special; however I didn't really know what I was walking into. As I entered the store, I was struck with a beautiful little 50's style cafe/diner ... and CUPCAKES!!
After I pondered over what 6 I wanted to taste, I finally made the decision, and headed back home. Sitting in the car, I really didn't know what to do with myself ... still shaking from the excitement of my 102% and teary-eyed with the loss of a dear teacher ... I thought of crying, screaming, laughing, hitting something ... but in the end, I decided to ... just eat cupcakes :)!
Luckily, my regular blood collection "depot" knows who I am and what I'm there for. So just a quick reminder that my blood work is timed, and needs to be taken between 8:00 and 8:30 am, I'm in and out within 15 minutes (now that's service)!!
So off I head to my lung function test at 9:00 am. Since I find it so difficult to arrange tests at my local hospital, my CF clinic in town has generously arranged to have my tests completed at the Janeway Child's Health and Rehabilitation Centre. Yes, I know it's a children's hospital, however they have agreed to do the tests and I'm thankful for no wait times! Boy, am I getting spoiled!
Normally, my PFTs (lung function tests) have been between 85 and 92% ... just absolutely fabulous. They've been this way for the past 4 years ... just hovering around those numbers. I wasn't expecting anything more or less today, and I've been feeling exactly the same ... perfectly fine :).
So I get weighted and measured, and sit in the little glass box. Plug my nose, and get ready for the test. Deep breath in ... Now blow it all the way out ... Keep blowing until you can't blow anymore ... Take a deep breath in ... Done. Nothing to it.
Only today things were a little different. The respirologist asked me what my numbers had been last time ... and to be honest, as much as I try and burn these things into my head, I just could not remember. She kindly looked up the last results and proceeds to tell me they were 84%. Perfect. However, she continues on to say that today's results are at 100%!!! WHAT!! I've always aimed to reach that magical number; however with being between 82 and 92%, I figured that was my new levels. Not that there's anything wrong with them ...
So I proceed to ask her to repeat herself ... and again she tells me they are 100%!! I'm giggling like a little girl at this point. We then start discussing my transplant and what my numbers were pre-transplant. I informed her that when I was initially assessed, I was at 25%; however I stayed at this level for almost 10 years! But in November 2007, I became ill, ended up on oxygen, and subsequently whisked off to Toronto. At the time of my transplant, I had dropped to 13% ... so 100% was pretty freakin' awesome!
So on I went to the second try ... and low and behold ... 102%!!! HOLY CRAP!! Finally the third try I was again at 102%, so I knew at this point there was no mistaking the test. I skipped out of the hospital, giggling all the way.
When I got back to my car and made the call to hubby, it again struck me, the sadness that I had learned about earlier this morning. So here I am, sitting in my car, crying, both in sadness and joyful bliss, and not knowing what to do with myself.
At 9:30 am, very few stores were open, so retail therapy was out of the question. My favorite Chinese restaurant, Song Hee's wasn't open yet. But I NEEDED something. And something GOOD. I remembered a friend of mine who had posted to Facebook about a fabulous little cafe in town ... so off I went in search of said cafe!
I ultimately found Sugar Mamas! Now, I knew this place was special; however I didn't really know what I was walking into. As I entered the store, I was struck with a beautiful little 50's style cafe/diner ... and CUPCAKES!!
After I pondered over what 6 I wanted to taste, I finally made the decision, and headed back home. Sitting in the car, I really didn't know what to do with myself ... still shaking from the excitement of my 102% and teary-eyed with the loss of a dear teacher ... I thought of crying, screaming, laughing, hitting something ... but in the end, I decided to ... just eat cupcakes :)!
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| Mama Drama, Give me M'oreo, Say Cheese (my fave), Black and White, Half Baked, Mars |
Sunday, May 06, 2012
Change, It's a Wonderful Thing
I'm not really sure why I did not pursue a career in the IT field ... oh wait, now I remember. Although I love computers, learning new programs and even testing out the waters of HTML, I become VERY frustrated with the whole thing.
As you can see, I've change up my blog ... AGAIN! I enjoy changing things up (in all parts of my life) and my blog is, well, about the easiest and quickest thing I can change on a whim.
In any case, I've been quite slack on keeping my blog updated. I do have a few posts to upload ... particularly from our past vacation!
Also, my friend has played a part in renewing my blogging ... as he is a new blogger, please check out his site at Jamie's Journey ... this is going to be one blog to watch! Congrats Jamie on you upcoming blogging adventure :)
As you can see, I've change up my blog ... AGAIN! I enjoy changing things up (in all parts of my life) and my blog is, well, about the easiest and quickest thing I can change on a whim.
In any case, I've been quite slack on keeping my blog updated. I do have a few posts to upload ... particularly from our past vacation!
Also, my friend has played a part in renewing my blogging ... as he is a new blogger, please check out his site at Jamie's Journey ... this is going to be one blog to watch! Congrats Jamie on you upcoming blogging adventure :)
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